New

New year celebrations (even virtual ones) aren't drawing me in.

So here I am at 3AM with a fresh blank page and a strange reluctance to sleep.

I've let go of my desire to let go.

So I sit in the odd sensation soup. Floating, breathing, noticing the silence.

Pressure released, I drift in peace.

Learning to be vulnerable

If there is a reason to be alive, right now I would say it’s to be vulnerable enough to connect.

Learning to live in that uneasy space where saying something or doing something that might be the wrong thing is worth doing, because it’s a sincere attempt to connect.

Learning to live as physically aware as possible. Finding that elusive edge where senses are more prevalent than thoughts. Knowing existence as ever-changing sensations, rich with depth and energy; and noticing how impossible it all is to control, and how that can be OK.

Learning to keep making the effort to communicate, finding ways to understand how it appears from other perspectives - always trying to stay open.

Waterlogged

Floods out there, and also within. Feeling that droopy waterlogged feeling again.

And then the words fail again.

So often, this is why I don't reply.

Thoughts fly but won't settle on paper or screen.

But the only way to write is… to write.