No subject (no object)

You can't fight when you feel this lost.


You'll never be as good as you want to be.
 (Impossible, obviously)

You'll never have it all sorted.
(Impossible - life isn't static, things always change. So can't be sorted)

You are no less and no more than anyone else.
(How could it be otherwise?)

You are every bit as worthwhile as whoever you look up to most, and just as worthless as whoever you despise the most.
(Obviously)

You aren't the sum of your accomplishments or your looks or your thoughts or your feelings or your desires or aspirations or failures or anything.

You aren't anything and you don't have to be anything. Or anyone.
Also, there isn't anything you aren't or haven't the potential to be.

You don't get to decide.

You'll probably give up at some point. Or not. But.

Everything is terrible and unbelievably frightening and difficult, and also it's all happening and is not your fault or in anyone's control.

It's absolutely shit. And there is a flip side of unimaginable beauty and love and it's all here.

I don't know. It's just obvious.

Thank fuck for that!

Nothing Ado

No thing

Nothing

Nothing to add

Nothing to gain

Nothing to lose

Nothing to say

Nothing to do

Nothing to prove

Nothing to get

Nothing to show

Nothing to find

Nothing to be

Nothing to avoid

Nothing to manage

Nothing to move

Nothing to remove

Nothing to understand

Nothing to deny

Nothing to accept

Nothing to have

Nothing to win

Nothing to beat

Nothing to fail

Nothing to buy

Nothing to sell

Nothing to drop

Nothing to catch

Nothing to declare

Nothing to fix

Nothing to break

Nothing to kill

Nothing to create

Nothing to formulate

Nothing to contemplate

Nothing to cogitate

Nothing to anticipate

Nothing to calculate

Nothing to explain

Nothing to maintain

Nothing to claim

Nothing to grasp

Nothing to describe

Nothing to hide

Nothing to judge

Nothing to heal

Nothing to damage

Nothing to bury

Nothing to excavate

Nothing to wear

Nothing to bare

Nothing to bear

Nothing to reveal

Nothing to know

Nothing to ignore

Nothing to carry

Nothing to unload

Nothing to appreciate

Nothing to dismiss

Nothing to respect

Nothing to desire

Nothing to acquire

Nothing to name

Nothing to tame

Nothing to blame

Nothing to defeat

Nothing to meet

Nothing to embrace

Nothing to face

Nothing to manipulate

Nothing to facilitate

Nothing to amputate

Nothing to emulate

Nothing to idolise

Nothing to imagine

Nothing to build

Nothing to cleanse

Nothing to bend

Nothing to straighten

Nothing to climb

Nothing to descend

Nothing to mend

Nothing to end

Nothing to start

Nothing to consume

Nothing to purge

Nothing to exhume

Nothing to groom

Nothing to rescue

Nothing to abandon

Nothing to save

Nothing to enslave

Nothing to employ

Nothing to use

Nothing to abuse

Nothing to refuse

Nothing to inhale

Nothing to derail

Nothing to enclose

Nothing to endorse

Nothing to condemn

Nothing to enforce

Nothing to divorce

Nothing to exclude

Nothing to include

Nothing to unwrap

Nothing to harvest

Nothing to reap

Nothing to sow

Nothing to grow

Nothing to target

Nothing to trade

Nothing to retain

Nothing to release

Nothing to realise

Nothing to idealise

Nothing to escape

Nothing to capture

Nothing to keep

Nothing to purify

Nothing to illuminate

Nothing to reveal

Nothing to uncover

Nothing to recover

Nothing to enlighten

Nothing to guide

Nothing to explore

Nothing to miss

Nothing to hit

Nothing to imitate

Nothing to initiate

Nothing to take

Nothing to make

Nothing to destroy

Nothing to eliminate

Nothing to encapsulate

Nothing to inhabit

Nothing to vacate

Nothing to enter

Nothing to leave

Nothing to celebrate

Nothing to grieve

Nothing to sustain

Nothing to entertain

Nothing to fit

Nothing to quit

Nothing to stop

Nothing to learn

Nothing to earn

Nothing to accumulate

Nothing to enumerate

Nothing to accelerate

Nothing to ameliorate

Nothing to exonerate

Nothing to emancipate

Nothing to encapsulate

Nothing to coordinate

Nothing to accessorise

Nothing to disguise

Nothing to pretend

Nothing to upend

Nothing to blend

Nothing to improve

Nothing to perfect

Nothing to inspect

Nothing to neglect

Nothing to abhor

Nothing to request

Nothing to penetrate

Nothing to obfuscate

Nothing to infiltrate

Nothing to cloak

Nothing to poke

Nothing to kindle

Nothing to dwindle

Nothing to memorise

Nothing to emphasise

Nothing to solve

Nothing to dissolve

Nothing to retrieve

Nothing to relieve

Nothing to anaesthetise

Nothing to glamorise

Nothing to categorise

Nothing to embed

Nothing to expel

Nothing to convince

Nothing to fear

Nothing to hate

Nothing to love

Nothing to inflate

Nothing to perpetuate

Nothing to minimise

Nothing to maximise

Nothing to dominate

Nothing to advertise

Nothing to compare

Nothing to repair

Nothing to define

Nothing to divide

Nothing to justify

Nothing to exemplify

Nothing to defend

Nothing to attend

Nothing to attack

Nothing to practice

Nothing to complete

Nothing to protect

Nothing to refine

Nothing to exterminate

Nothing to determine

Nothing to burn

Nothing to fight

Nothing to exercise

Nothing to exorcise

Nothing to kick

Nothing to map

Nothing to slap

Nothing to snap

Nothing to wrap

Nothing to trap

Nothing to dodge

Nothing to knot

Nothing to list

Avobath

Green water bathing

Steamy scent refreshing

Bubbles, swirls and eddies

Babbles, plops and plips

Light dancing over, under, rippling through

Warm silky wetness

Slipping across skin.

Proclamation

This is the fear.
I am not the fear.
This is a feeling.
It shows the way through.
I am not the feeling.

See.

This is an interpretation.
There are other interpretations.
This is a reaction.
I am not a reaction.
The reaction shows the way.

This is life.
Life is.

Unconditional gorgeousness


I'm beautiful. Of course I am. Everybody is.

There is no comparing your gorgeousness with mine. But it's present in exactly the same amount.

And it's not to my credit that I know I'm beautiful. And it's not anyone's fault if they are not aware of their innate beauty.

Beauty is in the perception of the beholder. It's only the degree to which you believe the thoughts you have about ugliness that affects how you perceive yourself.

And when there's nothing in the way of just seeing, beauty is seen.

Uncertainty, living

Not living with uncertainty, more like uncertainty, living.
Knowing not knowing.

Making provisional plans about imaginary outcomes.
Mind wanting to impose its own order. Its own imaginary control.

The sense that a bigger range of animal instincts are becoming apparent.
Realising that these animal instincts have always been in charge.

I thought I had a lot to lose but in the end it's all just cosmic rearrangement.

New

New year celebrations (even virtual ones) aren't drawing me in.

So here I am at 3AM with a fresh blank page and a strange reluctance to sleep.

I've let go of my desire to let go.

So I sit in the odd sensation soup. Floating, breathing, noticing the silence.

Pressure released, I drift in peace.